Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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