I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
