remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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