woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
