good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
