Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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