I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
