U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
