You surviving the open bar?
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I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my being single is dangerous.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
