Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
