I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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