What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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