She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
