a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
