Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Vodka?
Forever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
