Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
