this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
