The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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