I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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