walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
