I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
