i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
