I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
