I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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