dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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