"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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