the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
