i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
