i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
