he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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