what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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