You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
