is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
