dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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