Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish you could order shots online.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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