Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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