How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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