woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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