She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
