And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
