Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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