Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
