so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
