the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
