My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
