Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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