So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
