i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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