please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
