Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
