i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
