you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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