I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
