That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
