I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
