i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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